Crappy Hollywood

we are gearing up for the big movie season.  In the coming months we’re going to be inundated with trailers and previews of what Hollywood studios hope will be their money makers.  Here are some that look good to me and also look like a steaming pile of CRAP!!!

• Battleship? Oh jesus I don’t give a flying f–k about that film.  What movie industry pinhead thought that would be good? Did you also see who’s in it? Rihanna? Huh? Did I miss something here, why is Rihanna in any film, she’s a pop star who reportedly doesn’t think well enough of herself to stay away from her former abusive boyfriend. For shame girlfriend, not for the Chris Brown thing but for being in Battleship. YUCK
• and there’s MIB-3, going back to a well that wasn’t that deep to begin with. Will Smith is a decent actor, but this is just him mugging for the camera and doing a long Fresh Prince of Bel Air episode.  Pursuit of Happyness was a much better film this is just a long excuse to show special effects. So sad.
• there’s two Snow White films being released. One of them is Mirror Mirror, and stars Julia Roberts trying tooth and nail to hold onto her hot/talented woman crown. She won the Oscar for Erin something-or-other and has been the fresh young thing since Pretty Woman, but come on now this is just an exercise in some film exec trying to get on her good side. It just reeks of trying too hard to fit her into a mode that she’s moved past. Take a page out of Merry Streep’s script and do interesting and gripping films not Snow White regurgitations.
• with the proliferations of vampire this and vampire that, comes some jaded hollywood focus group’s idea of hitting all the bullet points of what will make a successful film with I Kissed a Vampire. Can’t you hear the Katty Perry song? & I liked it. God I hate my imagination sometimes, because it follows the obvious too easily.  That obvious is what this deluded rock/pop musical tries to do. There’s an older vampire who wants to show a younger one how to enjoy his immortality but the younger one falls in love with a mortal girl and both can’t stop singing about their lot. It’s Twilight, meets Vampire Diaries meets Gossip Girl meets Grease, meets my lunch all over the floor because this has made me throw up.
• so not wanting to leave this post with bile still poisoning my mouth there’s Safety Not Guaranteed. It’s about an investigative journalist team that looks into somebody who places an ad about going back through time. It’s inventive, sweet and heartfelt because it shows the fragility of a unreasonable dream. All the Hollywood blockbusters and formulaic story lines of the above prove how important that is.

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